Though I belong, I don't quite fit in any of the communities I frequent.
-Regular society (cuz I'm poly and monogamy is the prevailing norm)
-Bay Area poly people (cuz I'm otherwise normal, and thus too neurotypical and insufficiently woke, trans, kinky, BIPOC, or queer)
-Intellectuals (cuz though I listen to podcasts often and talk about issues with friends, I no longer read, write, or participate in conferences or intellectual communities, at serious levels)
-Effective altruists (cuz I'm too busy with rest of life to participate at the level most do)
-Fitness freaks (cuz though I workout often, I'm not excellent or religious about anything in particular, like lifting or a sport)
-Careerists (cuz though I work a ton, I'm not striving for a promotion or strategic next skill or role)
-Family (cuz I hate parenting, though I do a decent job of it and love my kiddos)
-Creators (cuz my blog and social posts are intermittent at best, my ant hobbying is on ice, and my poly-themed stand-up dream has yet to see the light of day)
-ExMos (cuz I no longer care as much about that identity)
I suppose I could just stop trying to find a tribe that fits fully, and tell myself that myself, a community of one, is enough. And that being a decent fit in multiple communities brings adequate tribal benefits.
I still thirst, though, for that full fit of the full me. I think it will be psychologically empowering, and will produce a better version of me than its absence.
So I'll keep looking.
This feels relevant to me as at the company I used to work for they wanted me to be a part of a single tribe and I never fit neatly into any one.
ReplyDeleteHowever, in real life I think the 80/20 rule applies. You have lots of interests and each group provides some percentage of validation and community. Kind of odd that the most extreme members of each group define what it means to be a part of that group.
But I feel you in not finding that one primordial group of people that makes you feel like a part of something.